Enough Reviews and challenges let's get down to something about me for a change.
My challenges and reviews even feel good friday doesn't really tell you the audience anything about me though does it.
Who am I?
Well I'm going to let you know a little more about me with a rather personal story that has recently happened.
My brain works a little differently to some peoples, I'm not unique, nothing special so don't get me wrong on that, but little things can tip me over the edge, my moods swing VERY rapidly from being over-the-top-feel-I-could-fly-happy to being in a murderous rage. I've been to the darkest depths of my own soul and yet I haven't really lived. I have a very vivid imagination to, I never really follow fashion, celebrities and the like don't interest me many people say they'd like to be like a celebrity or someone from the fashion world; I'd rather be like characters in films and books and they are who influence me.
My mood swings have affected my life since I was 13/14, when they really began to affect me I tried talking to the Doctor, who told me it was because of my dad leaving, this Doctor put me into the same band as my family because it affected them so much. It didn't affect me that much though, hell in the same year I think maybe a death on the television affected me more then that did. I am at a loss with the real world. I went back to the work and college with no further and worse mood swings, I tried going back so many times; in the end I was sent to counselling.
Counselling did nothing for me, I wasn't offered suggestions on how to cope just told to sit down and talk, talking doesn't help, I'm quite open I don't mind discussing an awful lot about me or my life (not in a heres MEEEEEEEE kind of way). I do have some secrets, dark and shadowy secrets that I don't share but doesn't everyone?
Anywho the counselling doesn't work so here I am months later; still having mood swings. I don't mind the happiness the euphoric feelings, there quite nice. I don't even mind the 'murderous' rages because they can be quite inspiring. What I do mind is the lows, the not being able to move for hours on end because I just can't because I feel like a stone sinking in the sea.
Now heres the crux of the matter; for years the way I've coped with anything life has to throw at me is with my imagination, writing stories, be them fan fiction, regular fiction, facts or whatever. It's how I always have worked.
On friday I went to the Doctors, it was supposed to merely be for an allegy test, not only that but I wanted to ask the Doctor about my pobias and what I could try to do to control them. Anywho my mum went in before me and told him she was concerned about my mood swings. I explained more to him, he took bloods for the allegy test and some to test for other things.
Then finally after all the time he told me he was going to try and get me in to see the mental health team at the hospital. While it's step forward and I don't know what awaits me it's still very scary, while I hate the lows of my rapid mood swings, I love the highs, the creativity that flows and the wild rides my imagination often takes me on.
If I'm really honest I am absolutley petrified of losing my imagination more then anything else. Like Peter Pan was afraid to grow up, except this isn't about growing up. I am grown up.
I'm petrified of how I will cope after this has all been sorted or supposedly sorted. If that happens. I think I'm possibly over thinking the situation but I guess we will have to wait and see.
Anyway now you know a little bit more about me, not a lot but a little.
Ugly Duckling Out xx
My challenges and reviews even feel good friday doesn't really tell you the audience anything about me though does it.
Who am I?
Well I'm going to let you know a little more about me with a rather personal story that has recently happened.
My brain works a little differently to some peoples, I'm not unique, nothing special so don't get me wrong on that, but little things can tip me over the edge, my moods swing VERY rapidly from being over-the-top-feel-I-could-fly-happy to being in a murderous rage. I've been to the darkest depths of my own soul and yet I haven't really lived. I have a very vivid imagination to, I never really follow fashion, celebrities and the like don't interest me many people say they'd like to be like a celebrity or someone from the fashion world; I'd rather be like characters in films and books and they are who influence me.
My mood swings have affected my life since I was 13/14, when they really began to affect me I tried talking to the Doctor, who told me it was because of my dad leaving, this Doctor put me into the same band as my family because it affected them so much. It didn't affect me that much though, hell in the same year I think maybe a death on the television affected me more then that did. I am at a loss with the real world. I went back to the work and college with no further and worse mood swings, I tried going back so many times; in the end I was sent to counselling.
Counselling did nothing for me, I wasn't offered suggestions on how to cope just told to sit down and talk, talking doesn't help, I'm quite open I don't mind discussing an awful lot about me or my life (not in a heres MEEEEEEEE kind of way). I do have some secrets, dark and shadowy secrets that I don't share but doesn't everyone?
Anywho the counselling doesn't work so here I am months later; still having mood swings. I don't mind the happiness the euphoric feelings, there quite nice. I don't even mind the 'murderous' rages because they can be quite inspiring. What I do mind is the lows, the not being able to move for hours on end because I just can't because I feel like a stone sinking in the sea.
Now heres the crux of the matter; for years the way I've coped with anything life has to throw at me is with my imagination, writing stories, be them fan fiction, regular fiction, facts or whatever. It's how I always have worked.
On friday I went to the Doctors, it was supposed to merely be for an allegy test, not only that but I wanted to ask the Doctor about my pobias and what I could try to do to control them. Anywho my mum went in before me and told him she was concerned about my mood swings. I explained more to him, he took bloods for the allegy test and some to test for other things.
Then finally after all the time he told me he was going to try and get me in to see the mental health team at the hospital. While it's step forward and I don't know what awaits me it's still very scary, while I hate the lows of my rapid mood swings, I love the highs, the creativity that flows and the wild rides my imagination often takes me on.
If I'm really honest I am absolutley petrified of losing my imagination more then anything else. Like Peter Pan was afraid to grow up, except this isn't about growing up. I am grown up.
I'm petrified of how I will cope after this has all been sorted or supposedly sorted. If that happens. I think I'm possibly over thinking the situation but I guess we will have to wait and see.
Anyway now you know a little bit more about me, not a lot but a little.
Ugly Duckling Out xx
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