I don't know whether I mentioned on here or not but last week, last friday to be exact, after years of going to the Doctors and trying to tell them I thought their was something wrong with me they packed me off to the Psychiatrist.
After being asked lots of questions by them, they've told me to keep a mood diary and they gave me some hints and tips which I don't remember. They've told me to do this because they think it's a possibility I could have it. While I'm releived though, I'm also rather apprehensive.
I decided to do some research on how to keep a mood chart today, and came across this article....
http://www.acutecareprogramme.org.uk/silo/files/i-want-to-be-bipolar.pdf
Now I don't understand why anyone would want a mental illness, it's not nice. What worries me though is could my Doctors see me as one of these people?
I don't want anything wrong with me, but I have severe mood swings which I'm sure I've described on here before they change pretty rapidly, most of the time I'm quite happy and hyper but when I get down it's really far down. There is never a 'normal' level I'm always happier or unhappier then people. There is never just a middle ground and when there finally is, it makes me feel anxious and horrible because I'm not feeling anything. I have other things wrong to. This is the main thing though. It causes me lack of sleep and more often then not can impact on those around me.
I have quite a few friends and they just put it down to my personality the fact that I'm a little over zealous most of the time. I think because I have a few friends at work and they don't find me to annoying it's not so much of an issue, but if you were to ask past friends they would tell you that I blow hot and cold a lot. One minute they will be my best friend and the next minute I will hate them believing they hate me. It's horrible my relationships with friends don't seem to last very long.
The way it all makes me feel is a worry, it's a big deal and it's not nice. I don't know whats wrong with me thats why I'm going to the doctors, but I just don't want them to think this is the reason. That I want something wrong with me.
Another thing that hinders me getting the help I need, is that I am extreamley self aware, I think it's because I write so much I channel things through seperate chracters so I'm very aware of all the aspects of myself. I think because I've managed to stop myself doing stupid things, like trying to kill myself or getting myself into severe debt, I think because of these it's stopped it, because I don't want to get to those points which other people who experience mental health problems can, I'm not really dangerous, but I don't want to get the chance or hurting anyone or anything.
Hopefully they'll be able to help me out and maybe I'll be able to deal with the moods a little better the highs I like because they often come with some brilliant ideas and I get lots of work done but its the lows that are hard.
Theres some food for thought for today anywho.
Thanks for reading
Ugly Duckiling Out xx
After being asked lots of questions by them, they've told me to keep a mood diary and they gave me some hints and tips which I don't remember. They've told me to do this because they think it's a possibility I could have it. While I'm releived though, I'm also rather apprehensive.
I decided to do some research on how to keep a mood chart today, and came across this article....
http://www.acutecareprogramme.org.uk/silo/files/i-want-to-be-bipolar.pdf
Now I don't understand why anyone would want a mental illness, it's not nice. What worries me though is could my Doctors see me as one of these people?
I don't want anything wrong with me, but I have severe mood swings which I'm sure I've described on here before they change pretty rapidly, most of the time I'm quite happy and hyper but when I get down it's really far down. There is never a 'normal' level I'm always happier or unhappier then people. There is never just a middle ground and when there finally is, it makes me feel anxious and horrible because I'm not feeling anything. I have other things wrong to. This is the main thing though. It causes me lack of sleep and more often then not can impact on those around me.
I have quite a few friends and they just put it down to my personality the fact that I'm a little over zealous most of the time. I think because I have a few friends at work and they don't find me to annoying it's not so much of an issue, but if you were to ask past friends they would tell you that I blow hot and cold a lot. One minute they will be my best friend and the next minute I will hate them believing they hate me. It's horrible my relationships with friends don't seem to last very long.
The way it all makes me feel is a worry, it's a big deal and it's not nice. I don't know whats wrong with me thats why I'm going to the doctors, but I just don't want them to think this is the reason. That I want something wrong with me.
Another thing that hinders me getting the help I need, is that I am extreamley self aware, I think it's because I write so much I channel things through seperate chracters so I'm very aware of all the aspects of myself. I think because I've managed to stop myself doing stupid things, like trying to kill myself or getting myself into severe debt, I think because of these it's stopped it, because I don't want to get to those points which other people who experience mental health problems can, I'm not really dangerous, but I don't want to get the chance or hurting anyone or anything.
Hopefully they'll be able to help me out and maybe I'll be able to deal with the moods a little better the highs I like because they often come with some brilliant ideas and I get lots of work done but its the lows that are hard.
Theres some food for thought for today anywho.
Thanks for reading
Ugly Duckiling Out xx
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